OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
