Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
