Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
