my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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