my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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