My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
