before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
