I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
