you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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