All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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