After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize