I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
