ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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