we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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