"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
