im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
