i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
