Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
