I just saw a hot homeless man
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
