once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
