who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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