garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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