I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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