Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
