bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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