It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
