Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
