I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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