gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
