i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
