Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
