2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
