Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
