Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
