remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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