Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize