The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
