I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
