Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
