Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize