May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
