i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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