just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
