I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
