I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
