i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Non-Jews are for practice
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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