Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
