i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
