it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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