You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry my hands just texted you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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