her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
