i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
