pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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