My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
