drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
