I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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