The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just high enough for therapy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
