I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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