i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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