you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize