so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
