So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
