You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
