also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
