I looked at my own cervix.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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