i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize