Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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