Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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